Can I offer some thoughts? I worked with freshman college boys for several years in residence life, and so of course this was a frequent topic of conversation.

I’m inclined to say that masturbation (like many things) can be a very good, and very bad thing. Of course there is no biblical injunction against it, and of course there is the matter of looking at one’s neighbor lustfully. Certainly the NT picture is that matters of heart are at least as important as matters of action.

Masturbation can also be associated with more destructive habits; addiction and pornography, primarily.

That said, I also believe masturbation can be a gift. We often forget how biological we are. There is certainly something very ‘earthy’ or low to the ground about our biological habits. Some of these are involuntary, some are not. It’s easy to associate these with “flesh” and to associate flesh with evil. There’s a whole topic…

A young man will struggle (or won’t bother with the struggling part) with lustful thoughts, almost without exception. And while masturbation can be a way to further these thoughts, it can also be a way to self-regulate the hormones that tend to drive these thoughts.

In the end, for most young men, there will be a vivid dream and a nocturnal ejaculation anyway. That doesn’t necessarily justify all our actions, but I think it points to SOME amount of biological inevitability about this process.

Our bodies were created with reproduction in mind; that doesn’t mean we need to be reproducing inappropriately. But I do think that if we are to properly develop our sexuality, prepare for marriage, and have outlets for strengthening our abstinence, masturbation may be the best option we have.

Many marriages suffer because of a lack of masturbation. Men who haven’t learned the art of self-control. Women who go years without experiencing the ecstasy and intimacy of orgasm, often because they haven’t learned to direct blood to the right places, or because they have associated their sexual areas with sin.

Or there are the times when, say, a woman isn’t feeling well and a man is feeling, say, particularly hormonal. Yes, he can be kind and just abstain, but I’m guessing most women would tell you that isn’t quite the gift it is cracked up to be. The women I know who are in touch with their men’s hormonal cycles (every bit as true for men as women) would tell you that their squished need for ‘release’ comes out in a lack of patience, gentleness, and several other fruits of the spirit.

In the end, I think we are all sexual creatures. Whether or not we are married, we are sexual, and we have to deal with this fact. It’s not as if at the altar we get permission to become sexual; it’s that we get to share that sexuality in the context of absolute commitment.

Even many young children experiment with masturbation. I know one person who did and was gifted with parents who suggested that their child do this in private from now on, but that this was a special behavior between their child and God. This person has the most healthy attitude about sexuality of any person I know (and also will tell you that imagery isn’t absolutely necessary for masturbation).

If we have a sexuality that we have to limit, shouldn’t we be working with it by engaging it, rather than running from it and hoping that works?

Nice to hear from you. Long time, huh? I’m glad that you found the posting helpful. Interestingly enough, the biggest response i received on this post (through emails and comments) came from Christian mothers. I didn’t really anticipate this, but it seems that it is a topic that of course parents, but particularly mothers, have need for some discussion and explanation in relation to their children (mostly sons).

Anyway, thanks for the comment.

As the mother of two teenage boys this was a very well written response to the question that even us Christian mothers have to deal with. Thanks for the insights from another view point.